Life is about relationships. From Chapter 1 of Genesis to Chapter 22 of Revelation you will find that God pursues relationship with us. He knows us, loves us, and desires that we know and love him. As Biblical mentors, we pursue those younger in the faith for the purpose of building relationship with us, building community and, more importantly, leading them into a love relationship with God. Our relationship with our mentee should direct him or her to love, trust and dependence on the ever-present Almighty God. Our target, as the people of God, is summed up in the Greatest Command and the Great Commission: Love God. Love others. Make disciples.

As one who has been mentoring for years, I have grown spiritually alongside those under me. I have added resources to my mentoring toolbox and my skills have been honed and sharpened. I continue to be shaped by His grace and mercy.

As I consider all the components of building trust, I have narrowed it down to a short list of what I believe to be most vital in growing a relationship of confidence and mutual respect.

Trust is built in the knowing of one another

Get to know your mentee and allow him/her to get to know you. Truly knowing someone requires one-on-one time spent together in conversation. It’s integral to knowing and being known.

• Actively Listen: Fully concentrate on what is being said rather than just passively ‘hearing’ the message of the one speaking. Active listening involves listening with all senses. Listen to the tone of voice. Take note of body language and facial expressions. Ask clarifying questions. Practice active listening both for understanding and for godly input (Proverbs 18:13, Ephesians 4:15)
• Share: As your mentee shares, share pieces of your own story, not to unburden yourself but to relate to your mentee on a real life level. This is not a counseling session, but a way in which to establish trust. Trust grows as transparency allows us to see and know each other. Your experiences are valuable in this process.

Trust is built in the Example

Ephesians 5:15 Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise.

As a mentor, your role is that of guide, teacher and leader. You have a mentee following you who is observing both your words and your actions. Your mentee is your student. Your life is carefully scrutinized. You are known by your reputation, good or bad, wise or foolish, proud or humble, harsh or gentle. Paul was confident in his walk with the Lord. He encouraged others to follow and imitate him as he followed Christ. (1 Cor. 4:16; 1 Cor. 11:1). We are Christ’s ambassadors, ones who represents the sender in character and authority (2 Cor 5:20). Let us be mindful of what our lives say about the One we represent to the ones we are leading.

Trust is built on the Word of God

When responding to conversations and situations that arise, point to scripture as:

• Inerrant 2 Tim. 3:16-17
• Authoritative 1 Thes. 2:13, 2 Peter 1:20-21
• Sufficient 2 Tim. 3:16-17, Ps 19:7-14
• Relevant Romans 15:4

It should not be your words that carry the most weight, it should be the Word of God. Your wisdom in words and shared thoughts may be based on the Word of God, but a younger believer may assume your wisdom originates with you. We are hard-wired to worship and because of this we often worship what we see, feel, touch and hear over the invisible God Almighty. We must take care that we do not become someone’s audible, answering, personal god. Our words may be our wisdom which comes from human understanding. We must remember to guide them into the Word of God; the source of perfect wisdom.

Trust is built on consistency over time.

Be consistent with the first three; continue to be a student of your mentee (listening, learning and getting to know them) and build relationship, live a life that is worthy of someone following, and lead and be led by the Word of God. Study it together with your mentee. You don’t have to be a theologian. You don’t have to have all the answers but you can dig into the Word and find the answers together. Remember that in this process, both the mentor and the mentee will be encouraged and challenged.

As I have considered all that I have written from my experience as a mentor I feel I would be doing the reader a great disservice if I did not confess that I have failed in all of these areas in all of my mentoring relationships. More than once I have had to go back to a mentee and confess something and ask their forgiveness. Yet God, who is able to use my shortcomings and failures of words and actions, for my good and His glory has redeemed each situation. Each time I have been humbled and blessed by the kindness of my mentee and granted that forgiveness. Our bond has always been strengthened.

The gospel goal of mentoring is humble Christ-likeness but not perfection. Again, it is summed up in the Greatest Command and the Great Commission: Love God, Love Others, Make Disciples. We must never lose sight of this target.

Colossians 3:15-16 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts to which indeed you were called in one body and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spirtual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.