Guilt and Shame

God uses guilt and shame as a tool to draw us back into right relationship with Him and others and delivers us from its power over us as we could not rescue ourselves.  

Guilt and shame.  Two words that go together like peanut butter and jelly or bacon and eggs.  We run…flee the weight of guilt and shame.  We try to rid ourselves of the cloak. We try to take it off, put it off, shake it off, positive self-talk it off, deny it off and yet its sticks to us like a fly sticks to fly ribbon.

Book are written to help us shed the weight of this burden; to escape the black cloud that covers our conscience.  We seek out counselors, therapists, and pastoral advice to help us feel better about ourselves.  We read books, take the guilt and shame magazine tests, fill out the “breathing worksheets” and practice physical ways (running, yoga, low carb diets) to help ease our inner conscience.  We look for any way to boost our self-esteem, forgive ourselves and just feel better and yet our efforts are temporary at best.

What if we stopped running from guilt and shame; stopped and turned to face it head on?  What if we recognized that guilt and shame were not something to avoid and remedy but something to embrace?  Maybe we’re asking the wrong question and looking for the wrong solution?   Instead of asking why we can’t shake this black cloud of guilt  and feel good about ourselves maybe we should be asking ourselves better questions.  What if the question is not, how do I escape guilt and shame but how do I identify the root cause of it?  What if guilt and shame are legitimate feelings that God uses to restore right relationship with Him?  Is it not the work of the Holy Spirit to convict?  John 16:8

We see Adam and Eve go from being naked and not ashamed in Genesis 2:25 to cover themselves with fig leaves and hiding from God because of their nakedness in Genesis 3:7-10.  Sin had brought them guilt and shame.

David’s sin with Bathsheba multiplied his sin, and guilt and shame weighed heavily upon him.    With the help of Nathan he was able to turn and confront his sin.   He states in 2 Samuel 12:13  “I have sinned against the Lord.”  He writes in Psalm 51:3-4  For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.  Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight;  so you are right in your verdict and justified when you judge. And in Psalm 32:3-4  When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long.  For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer.     David was suffering under the heavy weight of guilt and shame.

What was it that David needed to be free from this burden?  Did he need someone to tell him how great he was and remind him of all of his accomplishments?  Did he need to read a good book on boosting self esteem and overcoming self depreciation?  Or did he need to listen, with the help of another, to the voice of the Holy Spirit through the heavy weight of conviction that was working with his conscience?

David was guilty.  His guilt and shame were legitimate and an appropriate response to his sin.  God’s love for David would not allow him to escape.  He couldn’t move on in peace without confronting his sin and humbly confessing and repenting.  His relationship with God had been interrupted by sin upon sin.  He had sinned against Bathsheba, Uriah, Joab, the people of Israel and his own family.  He needed to face it in order to restore right relationship with God in heaven and with people on earth.  Then and only then was his heart set free.

Psalm 51 is David’s heartfelt confession and repentance.  Psalm 32 is his song of restoration and freedom.  He continues in Psalm 32:5-7  Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.  I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.”  And you forgave the guilt of my sin.  Therefore let all the faithful pray to you while you may be found; surely the rising of the mighty waters will not reach them.  You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

When God forgave David he knew he was forgiven and he no longer wore the garments of guilt and shame.  It’s the same for us.  When we stop running and making excuses and turn to face our God and confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9.  This is where real freedom from guilt and shame is found.

It is finished.  We are free.  God uses guilt and shame as a tool to draw us back into right relationship with Him and others and delivers us from its power over us as we could not rescue ourselves.

Though conviction is the work of the Holy Spirit working with our conscience, condemnation and accusations are the work of Satan.  He is called the accuser of the brother (Rev. 12:20) and comes as an angel of light (2 Cor. 11:14).  In other words, he tells us how deeply bad we are and condemns us even after we have confessed and repented of our sin.  We come to believe these accusations because they sounds as though they come from a place of righteousness.  We find truth in these recriminations  but the real truth is that they are lies of Satan who wants to separate us from the love of God.

But God is greater than the accuser!   Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. Romans 8:33.   There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death, Romans 8:1-2.  For whenever our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and he knows everything, 1 John 3:20.  For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.  Romans 8:38-39.  We have been freed from condemnation by the love of Almighty God in Christ Jesus and He knows everything.

We are free.

 

 

 

 

 

Seasons

Last year at Word of Life in upstate New York, Richard Blackaby, author of Seasons of God,  taught four sessions on the subject of seasons.   It gave me great perspective on the seasons of my own life both looking back on the past as well as to what lies ahead.

Seasons are a fact of life.   We can count on there being four seasons every year but those seasons don’t always look the same.  Sometimes spring is cold and seems to come late.  Sometimes summer is hot, dry, and without much rain.  Sometimes warm fall weather lasts into November and sometimes winter has brought us feet of snow .  Every year brings with it its own brand of seasons.

As does life!

I love how Solomon says it Ecclessiates 3:1-8  

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

2 a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.

For EVERYTHING.

Everything has a beginning, a time preparation, a time of furrowing and planting and waiting for things to happen and grow.  There is a time of hard work, weeding and toiling under the sun.  There are signs of life but not much fruit.  There is a time when the evidence of your investment and work proves to be fruitful and there is a return on your labor;  harvest season. Then there is a resting season, a time when everything good has been harvested and the ground needs a rest, the people need a rest.  It’s a time when some things die and other things only look like they’ve died but they are simply in a time of complete rest.

Today I am facing a winter season.  As season of letting something go; ceasing to breathe life into something that clearly needs to die.  There is a bit of grief stirring within me.  Saying goodbye to this season is necessary in order to move on the the next thing.  I am reminded of what Paul writes in Philippians:

Philippians 3:13-14

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own.  But one thing I do:  forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I must let go of one thing in order to grab hold of another.  Just like the playground horizontal ladder.  I cannot move ahead without first letting go of the hand behind me to swing forward to the next wrung.   If I don’t let go, I do not move ahead and neither can those behind me.  Those following me cannot move ahead until I move. Horizontal Playground Ladder

So what’s behind the hesitation to let go?  Why the ambivalence?    It’s easier to hold on to the thing you know, than to let go, trust God and grab hold of the unknown thing that lies ahead.   Living out a faithful life in Christ to the glory of God requires me to let go and trust that God will uphold me with his righteous right hand.   It’s a walk of faith.

Life is reflected in the image of seasons.   I can rest in this season of winter and let go; no need to strive to make things happen.  It is foolish to attempt to harvest when the fruit is gone.   I must see that there is no more to be gained and let go.  No worries about what will happen if something has to end.   God has more for me until He calls me home.  It may be winter now but spring is coming!

And so I rest.

 

 

 

Growing Together

God doesn’t need us to do His work for Him but He invites us to share in His good work.

I used to think of mentoring as an end of life endeavor: after I’d lived, seen and heard it all, I would pour it out on a younger woman. I even prayed to God, “Grow me up to be a woman of wisdom.” I hadn’t yet come to the truth that God’s word is living and active. I wasn’t supposed to wait until I was ready but I was to be made mature.

To whatever degree, mentoring is about my mentoree AND me. As God is refining me, He has put me in a relationship with another woman so that I can continue in my humility and vulnerability and thereby point to the beauty of Christ, embracing His transformational love and grace. Being a mentor keeps me at His feet listening for His voice, reading His word, and conforming myself to His will.

And I have discovered a wonderful aspect of mentoring: this younger woman is sometimes my Ebenezer in the sense that she reminds me of what God has done in my life as I walk with her through hers. I recognize that God alone is able to shepherd, protect, teach, rebuke, encourage and grow my younger sister in Christ into a mighty warrior for His kingdom. We are spurring one another on to love and good works.

So, what’s my point? There is no magical age, no arriving at a perfect moment in time to mentor another brother or sister in Christ. In all honesty, God doesn’t need us to do His work for Him but He invites us to share in His good work. “Grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” so that not only can you bless another with your service but so that you can be blessed with: greater knowledge and intimacy with Jesus, seeing the transformational power of God in another’s life, and witnessing God’s faithfulness to His children down through the years.

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is names, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith – that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” Ephesians 3:14-21

Imitate Me…

1 Corinthians 11:1 Be imitators of me as I am of Christ.

1 Corinthians 11:1   Be imitators of me as I am of Christ.

Imitate, mimic, copy, watch me and do as I do, be as I am. I am following Christ.  You follow me; I follow Christ, therefore, you follow Christ by following my example.  Paul is so confident in his walk with Jesus that he is willing to say, follow me.

1 Corinthians 4:15-16   For though you have countless guides in Christ, you do not have many fathers.  For I became your father in Christ Jesus through the gospel.  I urge you then, be imitators of me.

Paul clearly draws a line between guide and father.  A guide can lead you through something and point you in the right direction but a father is personally invested.  You are his, he is yours. A father’s care is beyond guide.  It is also, protector, guardian, authority, parent, caregiver and caretaker  – all motivated by love.

Philippians 4:9   Whatever you have learned, received, heard or seen in me – practice these things and the God of peace will be with you.

Paul is saying here, not only observe and learn but put it into practice. Make it your habit to do these things.   And what’s the payoff?  Peace!

So what about you?  As a mentor are you comfortable saying to your students, “Follow me as I follow Jesus?”   Are you living a life worthy of the gospel?  Phil. 1:27-30    If not, then what? Do you dumb down your mentoring to make yourself the standard by saying, “If I am not doing it then I cannot require someone else to do it.” or  are you willing to follow Jesus in a way that you are confident brings honor and glory to God and you would be fully confident saying, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ.”

L.E.N.T.

BEFORE YOU SPEAK CONSIDER L E N T
It is a privilege to be a biblical mentor. Although we aren’t Spiderman the advice his Uncle Ben gave him applies to us as well: “with great power comes great responsibility.” When we have the authority to speak into another’s life it is important to watch our words. As Christians we recognize Lent as a time of remembrance of Christ’s sacrifice and redemption. So the acronym LENT can be useful to check that your words lead the way towards christlikeness in ourselves and our mentoree.
So before you speak check your words and ask:
L : Is it Loving?
Does what I am about to say pass the “1 Corinthians 13 test”?
1 Cor 13:4 Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
– Is what you are about to say exhibiting patience with the person, situation, God?
– Is it kind?
– What is your motive?  Does this stem from comparing yourself or your mentoree   others, or to bragging about yourself?
– How are you saying this? In humility and with respect?
– Does it consider the other before yourself, do you need to be right about this?
– Are you being overly sensitive or are you annoyed?
– Does the motivation behind it honor God and point to Him?
E: It is Encouraging?
To encourage is to bring courage in. Encouragement is not empty platitudes but inspires by directing us to God’s character and promises. It may even hurt but never harms and is often hard but always good. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend”   Proverbs 27:6
N: is it Necessary?
Do you need to say this?   Are you putting yourself where you do not belong? Are you in the way of a person getting to God? Are you an obstacle or a bridge to God in this circumstance?
T: Is it True?
Does what you are about to say match up with God’s word?  “For everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature, for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to distinguish good from evil.” Hebrews 5:13, 14

Not Perfect? It’s Okay!

Psalm 126:5-6 Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy! He who goes out weeping, bearing the seed for sowing, shall come home with shouts of joy, bringing his sheaves with him.

This is the verse that describes my mentoring experience over the last few years. I walked into mentoring others with a great deal of apprehension and feelings of inadequacy. I came to realize that God’s faithfulness to me and to them didn’t depend on me. There were tearful prayers for students and for myself. Each week of investing time, planting seeds of Truth, weeding out lies and challenging faulty thinking, unhealthy relationships, idols, sin and anything else that set itself up against the Word, led to an unspeakable harvest.

God did what God always does. He was faithful. He opened eyes, increased understanding and bound unlikely hearts together in love. Students began taking steps of faith that led to bigger steps of faith. They began to see themselves as poetic masterpieces, perfect and complete. They recognized that what they saw as flaws and imperfections were actually perfect for the good works that God had prepared in advance for them.

I have had several conversations over the past few weeks with mentors who are feeling less than adequate to meet the needs of their students. We have students asking to be challenged, mentors who are feeling overwhelmed and completely “challenged” by their students and a couple of students who have not responded well to being challenged.

There are a couple of things to remember as we grow with our students. The first is just that, we are growing together with our students.  We are being stretched beyond our comfort zones into a place that is unfamiliar. God wants us blind.  He calls us to walk that path by light of His Word.  God is faithful.  God is perfect.  God is adequate. God is able.    You are not perfect and will not be perfect in this.  It’s okay.  God knew this when He called you.  He works all things together for good for those who are called according to His purpose.  He brings the harvest; He controls the outcome.

 Be encouraged, my friends!  It’s not always easy but it’s always good!

 

 

Who Knew??

1 Thessalonians 2:7, 8, 12    But we were gentle  among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children.  So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.  For you know how, like a father with his children,  we exhorted each one of you and encouraged you and charged you to walk in a manner worthy of God, who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

I loved the idea of being a mom.  My heart was full of fear, trepidation and excitement as I awaited the birth of my first child.  My head went from wondering what this child would look like to who he would become as a person.  It was all very exciting!  However, in my imaginings, I skipped the middle part; the years of training up that would shape and mold this person into who he would become.

I had no idea it would be so hard and yet I had more children!  Where were those sweet little  angels I had conjured in my imaginings?   Instead, I gave birth to children with a sin nature and a disposition much like my own.

I was in for a battle that God had clearly prepared me for but that I had not seen coming. But because of my love for them, I fought for them with consistency and discipline even when it would have been easier to just let them do what they wanted.  I fought for them on my knees.

I read every parenting book I could get my hands on,  I poured over the Bible looking for answers. As they got older we discussed the hard decisions and choices and consequences of choosing poorly and the rewards of choosing well.  I talked with them even when I knew they weren’t willing to take my sage advice.  There were days when I wanted to resign from parenting.

The same was true for me with mentoring.  I loved the idea of mentoring.   I imagined my mentoree as a young woman, eager to learn, willing to take steps of faith, sucking up the Word of God like a sponge and becoming a mature, passionate Christian.  Again, I skipped over the middle part.

Who knew the battles that would ensue for the righteous raising of others?   Who knew it would require so much time on my knees?  Who knew the agony and powerlessness of watching another walk down an unwise path? Who knew that through these relationships, my faith and reliance on Jesus would increase and my understanding of his grace and mercy would  multiply?  I did not know then and what I know now is less than I will know tomorrow.

Here is what I do know:  I grow.  Others grow.  We grow together.  God is faithful to the parent, to the child, to the mentor and to the mentoree.

3 John 4   I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.

Oh the joy!!